The Gift of Ben Book Cover Photo
Lindsey Rogers-Seitz Debut Memoir:

The Gift of Ben

Loving through Imperfection

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Support for those with mental illness, people searching for themselves, or families dealing with grief and loss of a child.

About the Book

In her new book, The Gift of Ben, Lindsey explores her path to self-acceptance, as the love she found in her son’s life gives her the power to, in turn, love herself. With raw emotion and grit, Rogers-Seitz shows us what is left on the other side of broken.

Excerpt From The Gift of Ben:

July 7, 2014

He was here, and then he was nowhere.

I had cut through the silence that hung in the room, thick and precipitous. I read the truth in the angst of their wide eyes staring back at me, interspersed within the blur of white hospital coats. The amorphous mass shifted uncomfortably, as if waiting for something. I had missed the introductions, so I focused in on the young nurse standing in front of the door. She appeared to be there by happenstance, and it gave me comfort. Her eyes were red, which seemed appropriate. The man with the glasses and clipboard started talking. I watched his mouth move; I heard only the shifting of the Earth beneath my feet.

My mind fell out of itself when I finally heard the words “He didn’t make it.” It had begun to falter early on, piecing together the scraps of a failing world, but it had been the walk down the hallway where the living lay, to the small room (This is where they tell people, I had thought) with a black Bible on a circular table, that had caused my brain to finally clamp shut in order to stop the bleeding.

I sensed their breath levitating, paused midair, waiting for the break to occur. Time became what it was meant to be—unmoving. The world around me, four walls and a mass of white, disappeared, and I was inside myself, a pool of darkness, infinite time, and a calm. So much calm. I sensed a shedding of my outer body, leaving nothing behind. Just the essence of me. Every moment of my life flashed before my eyes and coalesced into one, still and silent. The nowhere he was supposed to be turned into the everywhere I really was. With an inward gasp—”oh my God, no, no” —reality became me and hands covering my mouth, head hung low. Is this what the black book, on circular table, means by born again?

Kyle is dead, I thought. He’s killed himself. I’ve lost two people in one day. “Where’s my husband?” My eyes move from the floor to the nebulous mass, ebbing and flowing with uncertainty.

“He’s in a room,” someone answered.

I pictured him lying supine, clear coiled tubes running from his mouth, or dead. He was just simply dead. “How is he?” I finally asked.

They paused and looked at each other, until one responded, “Well, he’s…despondent. Do you want to see him?”

The question confused me. Why would I not want to see him? I thought.

“Yes. Right now.”

The mass shrank in size, as a silent breath of anxiety was exorcised from its body. I stared at them as if they were missing something integral. I had just become unbroken. I had finally understood. I had always been, and forever would be, loving and losing Ben in this one moment that simply Is.

The Gift of Ben Book Cover Photo

About the Author

Lindsey Rogers-Seitz

Following the 2014 tragic death of her fifteen-month-old son, Benjamin, Lindsey Rogers-Seitz has demonstrated courage, grace and forgiveness in the face of unimaginable grief and despair.

Added to that overwhelming burden, she also had to deal with the media and public scrutiny due to the highly emotional and publicized nature of Ben’s death.

Now, nine years later, Lindsey has felt a calling to share her debut memoir, The Gift of Ben, where she bravely weaves her personal experiences managing manic depression, alongside her journey to maintain mutual love and support within her marriage. It is Lindsey’s hope to destigmatize mental illness in society by shining a light that will illuminate the way for others who suffer in silence.

Lindsey has practiced as a health care and private equity attorney for a leading international law firm. Outside her role of attorney, she loves to read, run, write and spend time with her husband, two daughters, their therapy dog, Harley, and new puppy, Noelle, in Morrisville, North Carolina.

Lindsey Rogers-Seitz Photo Biography

"My mission is to spread the idea of loving through imperfection, and that people can overcome immense pain and trauma."

The Gift of Ben Book Cover Photo

"An epic journey filled with bravery in each word of raw emotion"


What People Are Saying About the Book

“Rogers-Seitz’s memoir leads the reader through the murky depths of a psyche confronted with unthinkable tragedy. Her approach to the material borders on the poetically abstract while retaining a clear sense of meaning … Acutely and emotionally observant, the author possesses a rare ability to pinpoint and convey the debilitating emotions and sensations associated with intense grief … a profoundly moving debut that may offer solace to others grieving the loss of a child. Expressive, courageous writing that wrests insight from the depths of grief.”
Kirkus Reviews
“The Gift of Ben is a searing, powerful memoir about justice, injustice, love, healing, and perhaps most important and surprising, what happens when a woman forgives a tragic mistake that society thinks she should not. This is a book that will make you rethink everything you thought you knew about forgiveness.”
Kerry Egan, Bestselling author of On Living and Fumbling
“Broken, poetic, brave. Inspired by her beautiful boy, a grieving mother confronts the unthinkable and fights for her family. In The Gift of Ben, Lindsey Rogers-Seitz reconciles joy and sorrow, wellbeing and mental illness to discover true unconditional love for her family in heaven and on earth, and finally, for herself."
Michele Gay, Co-founder of Safe and Sound Schools, mother of Josephine Grace Gay (7), Sandy Hook, CT
“Lindsey Rogers-Seitz has written a must-read for anyone who is looking to dive deeper into understanding our mental health epidemic and the journey of unimaginable grief. Her authentic and raw writing style beautifully captures the delicate balance needed to find hope amongst the shattered lives left behind after an unthinkable loss. This is a book that will change you.”
Jen Marr, Author, Founder and CEO of Inspiring Comfort LLC