The Gift of Ben

How do you enjoy the holidays without one of your children? I’m struggling with that question this year. In a new state, without many of the Christmas traditions we enjoyed back East. I think back to the day after Thanksgiving 2013. Jones Family Farm in Shelton, CT. The land carried with it an almost magical […]

Hi strangers! I received an email yesterday reminding me that I have not blogged in quite awhile. And, she was correct. It has been a long tumultuous summer for me here in Colorado. A bit of depression reared its ugly head in June and spiraled to a climax a few weeks ago. But, I am […]

The last Back to School night I attended was in Connecticut. It was after Ben had passed away, and I was nervous about even walking through the school around everyone who “knew.” Mostly I just kept my eyes glued to the floor, walked quickly and collapsed into the welcoming arms of friends. The night ended […]

So, we finally closed on our house in Connecticut Thursday afternoon. Much of my anxiety during my visit to Ridgefield a few weeks ago was related to the memories and sudden rupture of our old life and survival decision to move out of state. There are so many physical reminders in Ridgefield that I found […]

I miss dreaming. Pre-Ben, I had vivid dreams that I remembered for days. My mind was clearer and I slept well enough to let a bit of my unconscious in at night. I want to see Ben again, in my dreams, but it never seems to happen. There is so much research about our unconscious […]

Why do I get blogs out sometimes and not others? Why are there long gaps in my posts? No ideas come, no thoughts, words, sentences…even though I have so much I’d like to say, express, tell you all. Why do I even like writing? It isn’t about a need to keep working through last year. […]

“Wow, mom! You are a good cook after all! This is actually yummy!” “I mean, not as good as daddy yet, but almost. You just need some practice, and you will catch up soon!” “Gee, thanks a lot!” I replied, tickling my youngest daughter.Last night as we sat around the dinner table I realized I was officially […]

Happy 7th Birthday to my spunky, sweet daughter!I wish you all the comfort, happiness and love that you have brought me since the first moment our eyes met. Sometimes I conjure up that image in my mind….the nurse laid you in my arms and your brown eyes looked up into mine. Now that I’ve seen what […]

“Because I think people must be the same everywhere. Only these people are in my bones.” – Jodi Lynn Anderson, Tiger Lily I stood with my oldest daughter and three of her friends this past Monday, watching the demolition of the old Ballard Park playground in Ridgefield. As the bulldozer razed the slide she played on as […]

Kyle and I often de-stress from the day by snuggling on the couch at night (when life isn’t so glaring and urgent) by watching old T.V. series on Netflix or Amazon. Since we moved to Colorado, we’ve gone through House of Cards, Breaking Bad, vetoed Game of Thrones after a few episodes, and now we are onto Orange is the […]