The Gift of Ben

I’ve found myself writing and working on my deck most of the week, enveloped by an array of sunshine and eighty-five degree days. Much like the weather, throughout life my moods have risen and fallen in quick succession. Like most people, I find it easy to be joyous, motivated and exuberant on the sunny days, […]

Excerpt, The Gift of Ben, Chapter 17 I entered the bedroom where there had once been breathing and laughter, but which was now only an empty reservoir of our lives. His pajamas, white with an alligator near the hem, green around the shoulders, lay crumpled on the bed where Kyle had changed him the day […]

I’ve put so much energy into defining the concept of love over the past few months, gearing up for my book release, which is aligned with Mental Health Awareness Month. I feel like I’m searching for the impossible. My journey with love is still on-going, and I’m beginning to think there may be no adequate […]

For me, I’ve broken so many times in so many different ways, that I oftentimes find myself telling Kyle (or a friend, counselor, psychiatrist), “I just need to put myself back together.” By that sentence, I think I’m trying to say that I just need a moment to work it out on the inside, set […]

Excerpt, The Gift of Ben, Chapter 41 I had come to Colorado to find my way back to Ben, and it was there, scanning the vista before me, that I first felt him, or God, or both as one. In a gentle release of tension into the transcendent evening air, we stood on the rocks […]

I wish I had words, something profound. However, there can be power in silence. A quiet acknowledgment of something more meaningful than words can express. Ben, I’m finally allowing myself to just be “me.” As I wrote in my memoir, to be “Real.” Thank you baby boy, I love you. ************* Excerpts from The Gift […]

March 28th will be Ben’s 10th birthday. To be honest, I was never able to put the headstone on his grave. I have never been able to buy flowers for his grave. My parents do all of that for me. I have not been to visit him in eight years. I am trying to process […]

“I talk so quickly, yet there is nothing to say. Just the pain, ‘the pain,’ I tell her. Of me and who I am not, or who I am but not willing to accept. She hands me a prescription as I relent. I will try one last time.” (Excerpt, Chapter 1, The Gift of Ben) This […]

Happy Sixth Birthday in Heaven my dear baby boy! We love and miss you each and every day. I can’t imagine what you look like now. Mommy loves you!

I have a friend that texts me inspirational messages every morning of my life, since Ben passed away. She’s on the East Coast, so her messages are awaiting me each day when I wake up at 6 am. Last Friday, she texted a message that really hit home: She said: “Mangku was our guide up […]