This will be a short blog. It is meant for July 7th, the one-year anniversary…
I was not born a wife, grieving mother, manic depressive, or lawyer. Though with the passage of time and the hands of fate, I became all those things. However, I was born a writer. Through written words I speak my truth so that others can experience the beauty of the unknown world. A world where…
I have seen the best and worst in humanity, and I prefer to honor the highest virtues that met me in my darkest hours. The silent reverence of friends standing by my side, as the pain of losing Ben throbbed through my veins. A husband whose faith and love saved my life over and over again, in the throes of bipolar episodes, allowing me to begin to believe in something greater than our earthly union, a love more transcendent and integral to our very being. Strangers sending words of support as our tragedy unfolded, while others threw scathing words at our very fiber. A gentle touch of forgiveness, the whispers of endless love.
I have journeyed from the deep abyss of longing to the pinnacle of a fervent hope. Through my experiences, this hope has been transformed into knowledge –one that rests in the very recesses of my soul. A knowledge that there is a meaning to all of this, a filament of connectivity between all of us, a greater God than we can ever imagine in the minutia of the here and now. This I know to be true: the autumn leaves twisting in the wind, symphony rising and falling in course, cry of your newborn baby, feeling of effervescence as you fall, fall deeply in love –all are windows to a boundless experience in the hereafter, in the arms of God all around us now, and for eternity.
I have crept on the floor seeking salvation. A moment of calm, of being me. Don’t we all yearn to just Be? Ourselves in full living color. To settle into our bones, full and vibrant. A lifetime of silence turned in one moment, that simply Is, today, as I bear my soul to the world. I am….a recovering mother of grief, committed wife, writer, seeker of truth, and to my core, part of my very being, manic depressive. Beautiful and sometimes broken and imperfect, just as I am. These things are part of me, but do not define me.
Today I am true.
Today I am free.
[The Gift of Ben launches today, May 2nd. I want to thank those who have believed in me over the years. My husband and daughters, parents, and most deeply today, my publisher Wellness Writers Press, Julie Colvin and Leila Summers, and my publicists at High10 Media, thank you team for working so hard and never giving up.]