Tomorrow Ben would turn three. I've realized for those who have lost loved ones...the pain…
Can I fall into you, my son?
Only a combination of letters, born from the lines and curvatures of our limited consciousness
Christening our lips for the unspeakable, the unknowable
As one bubbles, upon another, in singularity these words give life. I feel
Your presence is like the universe, expanding
energy that blankets my everything, my history and future –
Was every moment, a history without you, but always with You?
Non-linear, time brought you before birth and shepherds you to
Where are you now?
The shards of light, glimmers of you through the falling leaves
The flurries of snow melting on your sisters’ tongues
The breeze tunneling through the trees with the sound of your voice
All and, the silence.
God in the space between.
As a star collapses into itself,
Did you follow?
May I find you there?
I will not wait for your answer to fall upon my ears
Time interrupt, or prolong, Begin?
As I search for the horizon, that event of birth, beyond which there is only
You, always shifting, seemingly just out of reach
You try to answer I am here, further
You worry I cannot hear you -
That I yearn too much for the physical moment of you…
But, oh my love, you do reach me.
Listen to my voice as I speak to you at night -
I hear you
Faith transmits your answer, trust in me,
I will listen, am listening, have always been listening.
Your energy which should not, did
I hear your giggles, feel your soft cheeks, see the curls falling softly over your eyes.
The energy of you now, of where you are - speaks,
rolling off the tongue, as a peculiar combination of the soul emoting
that which is the energy of Love
You were, and will always be.
For I did fall into you, am falling into you, will continue falling into you
Infinitely, this love, of you, us, my son
You know now, what I can only still imagine -
In your star's collapse, the energy that is You, beautiful soul, is disbursed into
That ever was and ever will
I have always been a part of your horizon,
Passing infinitely into your beginning
Return is not needed,
For we eternally are
In the space between.