Dealing with grief

As you turn nine,my daughter, I seehow time stretches and shrinks,and becomes simply,that one moment. You are not a baby anymore,so why do I watch you sleep?Tiptoe in the middle of the night,to check your windowsAre they locked?So no one can take youfrom me,too. If there is no riseand fallof your chest, then my handgently,every so tenderly,touches […]

I hoped to attend the sentencing today in order to speak these words myself. But, I respected my husband’s wishes that I be spared the additional trauma that the charge and related court appearances have brought on our family. Please excuse me for avoiding media calls today, but I’m spending the day with my girls as I […]

Well, my sweet Benjabear, your second birthday is fast approaching. It hit me a few nights ago. Hard. Since you passed away last summer, many things have happened that make it so easy for people to forget what this is really all about – You. Your blue eyes, soft skin, chubby legs, gleeful giggle, always happy smile, and blond curls […]

 “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning I needed something from our pastor that he would never be able to give me. I yearned for it. I would die […]

It never entered my mind that I would one day actually need to think about ways to introduce myself to potential friends at the ripe old age of thirty-six. I mean, haven’t I been doing this for years? I’m a born introvert that has been forced to learn how to exist in an extrovert’s world. During first year orientation at […]

A dear friend sent an email to me on September 12th, which reaffirmed my gut feeling that I had something worth fighting for. Here are some excerpts to give you a flavor of her sentiment: “I was [glancing through] an article…when I read the following.  My next immediate thought was of you and Kyle. ‘…It might be more accurate […]

Hello friends, I can’t believe its been over a month since my last post! This has been for several reasons, including (1) it was our first holiday season without Ben and it was tough to know what to say, (2) this past month has been the first time since Ben passed away that we could finally […]

 I cannot find the energy to write much today. Our Thanksgiving respite is ending, and we are getting ready for the onslaught another week will bring, as everyone returns to their day jobs. Anxiety rises as the weekend closes. But, there is a story I need to share. It is the story of us, the abridged […]

Ben “became.” Actually, he simply is, and always was, Real, in full living color and vibrance. If you have ever met him, you know what I am talking about.  He had a spirit beyond words. Honesty in innocence. Slate blue eyes, which allowed us to see Heaven, even if just for a moment. I would like […]

“Mountains are giant, restful, absorbent. You can heave your sprit into a mountain and the mountain will keep it, folded….mountains are home” – Annie Dillard Our first run together amongst the mountains, the towering backdrop, a majesty which spoke to us, This, is your truth of Thanksgiving: Ben, is all around you, the energy of […]